Port Of Embarkation
Over the next year, I will be pursuing my new life. I believe I have some idea what that is, and I hope that vision becomes clearer as I progress. I feel a little like the bad guy in the original Die Hard movie. Or, at least, I feel like the dude he had deciphering the code to get into the vault. Dude is telling the head bad guy that he can decipher the code, but the final lock is beyond his abilities. But in the end, the head bad guy has the answer: “I give you the FBI”. The FBI cuts the power to the place, and the final lock can be breached.
Well, that’s a little how I feel. I have this plan, sort of, that I’ll be fleshing out over the next several months. It will include my culinary education and business plans and reasearch and whatnot. But at the end is a lock that I can’t breach. A roadblock that I see no way to overcome.
I haven’t the funds to put my plan into action.
So I’ll be waiting for some magical move by the FBI, or the cavalry to arrive, or something. But whatever, I have to pursue this. I can’t not pursue it. There is something that is pushing me, compelling me to do this. I just wish I had a better idea at this point what this is. But I read a little book on my kindle not too long ago called Getting Things Done. I highly recommend it. It’s a book about creativity and unleashing it to get projects done. One of the concepts that stuck with me was what the author calls “Trust the soup”. The soup being the cosmos…the creative energy that is driving you…the talent that exists within you. Or, in my worldview, God.
So that is what I’m trying to do. I’m allowing my creativity to direct me, not having my sights set on a specific outcome or goal, allowing it to take me where it will. And trusting that as I progress it will begin to take some shape. That the steps I’m taking will point in some direction. The vision will become clearer. But I will tell you, it’s not comfortable.
But then, none of this is. This sharing I’m doing on this blog, without regard to who is reading it or what they might think. The seemingly “build it and they will come” approach to whatever it is I’m doing. Listening to whatever voices are directing me. Uncomfortable. Much more comfortable to do what you’ve always done, the way you’ve always done it. To hide from life. But those who live like that don’t end up with their own Wiki page.
Not that I’m about that, mind you. But if I have something special inside me, something to offer someone, I need to get it out there. It may never amount to much, it may only touch a handful of people. But if it’s fulfilling for me and helps someone else, then that is where I need to be.
I stole a line from As Good As It Gets before, and I’m relating to that movie as well quite a bit right now. In it, Melvin Udall is also being “evicted from his life”. In his discomfort and resistance, when asked by Simon the Fag if he “really liked it all that much”, he responds, “well, it was better than this”. In the end Melvin realizes he was wrong, that at the culmination of all that upheaval and change he was being set free. That is what I hope and pray for myself.